Heather 11-2-2015 – 12-15-2017

Heather isn’t dead. The time stated in the title is the time she occupied one of the two rooms we rent out to lodgers. I usually do not write about our Housemates, but Heather was unique. So unique in fact that we will NEVER rent to a Pisces again.

She was a nice person. In her 40s. A bit overweight maybe. Hell, she was obese! She probably tipped the scale at 450. But the kind of guys she dated liked that sort of thing. She also had two Masters Degrees, and a very decent job at a local business that provided 215 cards. She always paid her rent on time, and in fact frequently paid a few days early. What was really nice was she held an account at the same Credit Union we are members of, so she could pay her rent via direct deposit.

But (here come the buts) she was dirty. Every time she took a shower she left a ring of dirt in the bottom of the tub. This was in the shower, mind you. You would think that she worked out in the fields. But no, she worked in an office. Once or twice a month we had to run the special Draino drain cleaner for hair clogs. Once a month we would find menstrual blood under the rim of the toilet seat. Gross!

The real issue was her use of her space. Housemates, in addition to their room, have a deep cabinet over and under the the built in oven. They also have half of the bottom shelf in the refrigerator and the “crisper” drawer underneath. In addition, they have a drawer in the bathroom, and Heather had the ancillary space on the thing that hung from the shower head. She also had a cabinet above the washer and dryer in the laundry room. She seemed to think that she had to fill all of these spaces up. But mostly, she filled them with crap. The ancillary space below the shower head had normal stuff, so that one is a pass. The space in the laundry room had laundry supplies, but also a stockpile of special african black soap she used. The drawer in the bath room was a trow all. Used partial slivers of soap, unread mail, read mail, used razors and other crap that normal people would throw in the trash. Not Heather. She saved it all. There seemed to be about 25 months worth.

She had a ton of food packed into her kitchen cabinet space. Some of it was open. There were deceased bananas, and other fruit; moldy and breeding G-d knows what. Her refrigerator space was also like this, with lots of takeout containers, jelly jars, several unopened packages of butter. Both the drawer and the space above were overflowing with this crap.
The thing is: she didn’t cook. Well, she must have made toast once in a while. She had a few dozen partially used loaves of sour dough, both in the refrigerator and in her space in the mini freezer. She usually ate out at restaurants, or had take out delivered. I don’t think I ever saw her cook. Yet she had all this space in the refrigerator, and her cabinet space loaded – top to bottom, side to side, front to back. When she left, the local food bank received a sizable donation. Well, of what was still in packages and edible. A lot was way past the expiration date and was tossed.

The real problem was her room. This we discovered as she was moving out. She hoarded garbage. Literally. We gathered eight bags of trash out of her room. Additionally, there were 5 bags of CRV (California Refund Value) plastic (soda, water, etc.), a paper bag full of soda cans, and another of bottles. I made $25 at the recycling center for that. Now, keep in mind that Ceridwen, myself and our other Housemate spent 6 hours bagging this stuff. It was all just strewn about the room.

Anyroad. Heather is gone now.  We’ve mopped down the walls and ceiling took out the trash and vacuumed.  I think we will need to hire someone to clean the carpet. It looks pretty bad.

We kept her deposit.  This is only about the 3rd time we have done this. Mainly because she moved without giving us a written notice, but the violations of her housemate agreement were many, many fold.  She must have known that would be the result of her weird housekeeping habits.

I’ve never written about a Housemate before. We’ve been doing this since about 2007 (it pays the atrocious rent we pay here). Most stay about six months. Heather was one of two exceptions to this rule. We’ve learned not to rent to men (they’re almost always “children”).  And now there will never be another Pisces. Unless she has Virgo rising to counter act it.

Maybe.