Never Land

Things you should never, never do, no matter what:
  1. Even if you believe him or her to be a friend, never tell your boss about your future plans, especially if they concern moving to a better climate, starting a new business or anything else that might better your
    life.
  2. Never tell your landlord, even if you believe him or her to be a friend, about your future plans, especially if they concern moving to a better climate, starting a new business or anything else that might better your life.
  3. Never trust a landlord, a boss, or anyone else with “power over” you.
  4. Never ever believe that your freedom of speech is protected in your workplace. It’s not. You don’t believe me? Start openly discussing the merits of unionization with your coworkers.
  5. For that matter, never believe that any of the rights guaranteed by the Bill of Rights are protected in the workplace.
  6. Never trust a Republican.
  7. Never trust a Libertarian. While this might be tempting, given the Libertarian view of social laws (they would legalize marijuana and other “soft” drugs; legalize prostitution; strike sodomy laws from the books; legalize gay and poly marriages, etc.,), that might be tempting, but they hate the poor just like Republicans do. And they would rape, pillage and plunder the environment just like Republicans, if given the chance.
  8.  Never pick up the phone unless you know who it is (that’s why the God’s invented “Caller ID”).
  9. Never spread your personal crap all over the Internet under your real name, UNLESS: you are retired or self-employed.
  10. Never take a job in a non-unionized workplace unless you simply can’t avoid it.
  11. Never marry earlier than 33 years old.
  12. Never marry outside your belief-system (not your parent’s BS mind you, but your personal, thought out, BS).
  13. Never grow up.
  14. Never grow old and stodgy in your ways.
  15. Should you have to get divorced before your children reach the age of 18, DO NOT move further than 70 miles away from them, UNLESS you plan to take them with you.
  16. Never marry anyone you haven’t already slept with.
  17. In fact, you should live with someone at least three years before making it legal.
  18. The following list are the only cities in the United States that are worth living in. You should move to one of these as soon as you can get your ass out of the corn fields:

Ann Arbor,MI
Arcata-Eureka, CA
Albany, NY
Asheville, NC
Athens, OH
Atlanta, GA
Austin, TX
Baltimore, MD
Bay St. Louis, MS
Berkeley, CA
Big Rapids, MI
Big Sur, CA
Blacksburg, VA
Bloomington, IN
Boulder, CO
Baltimore, MD
Barrett, MN
Boston, MA
Brookline, MA
Burlington, VT
Brattleboro, VT
Buffalo, NY
Butte, MT
Cambridge, MA
Carrboro, NC
Chapel Hill, NC
Charlottesville,VA
Champaign-Urbana, IL
Charleston, WV
Chicago, IL
Cleveland, OH
Columbia, MD
Columbia, MO
Columbus, OH
Cupertino, CA
Davis, CA
Dayton, OH
DeKalb County, GA
Denver, CO
Detroit, MI
Duluth, MN
Durham, NC
El Paso, TX
Eugene, OR
Fayetteville, AR
Flint, MI
Greensboro, NC
Hayward, CA
Henderson, KY
Honolulu, HI
Houston, TX
Iowa City, IA
Ithaca, NY
Kansas City, MO
Key West, FL
Louisville, KY/a>
Los Angeles, CA
Lawrence, KS
Madison, WI
Minneapolis, MN
Missoula, MT
Moraga, CA
Moscow, ID
Mount Shasta, CA
Newburyport, MA
New Haven, CT
New York, NY
New Orleans, LA
Northampton, MA
Oberlin, OH
Oakland, CA
Odessa, TX
Olympia, WA
Omaha, NE
Palo Alto, CA
Philadelphia, PA
Pittsburgh, PA
Portland, ME
Portland, OR
Portsmouth, NH
Rochester, NY
Sacramento, CA
Santa Clara Valley, CA
Santa Cruz, CA
Santa Barbara, CA
Santa Monica, CA
Sarasota, FL
Savannah, GA
Seattle, WA
San Francisco, CA
Saugutuck, MI
Sharon, MA
Skokie, IL
Somerville, MA
Spokane, WA
State College, PA
Takoma Park, MD
Tallahassee, FL
Toledo, OH
Washington, DC
Westport, CT
Waukesha, WI
Yellow Springs, OH